#mymindmystory…… Hospital tinnngggg ……. Ethan’s story

Hi, my name is Ethan at the age of 10,  I was diagnosed with brain cancer. At the time it did not mean a lot to me, to me it was just another adventure in my saga. I was not scared I did not fear the end I just tried to carry on. Sadly, after my brain tumour was taken out I had to travel to America to receive treatment me and my mum had to leave my sister and my dad for 12 weeks (3 months). I came back home and to my families delight I was no longer grieved with cancer, I was officially free of cancer.

 

 

For the next 5 years of my life I carried on with my life with school with sports I kept going to have regular scans. Until on the night of the 10th of November one day before my birthday we received a phone call from alder hey explaining that they had found an inflammation on my brain. As you can probably imagine my fifteenth birthday was not my best birthday I have experienced so far.

I had a lumber puncture which showed no cancerous activity. The hospital sent me home because I was not showing any symptoms until April the next year where I was having severe headaches. One day I was having a bath I felt a weird sensation through my body, so I got out the bath and I thought I had fallen asleep. I woke up in a hospital with 5 nurses around me, my mum and sister in tears and my dad speaking to a doctor. It turned out that I had two generalised seizures. I could tell you about how horrible it was but to be honest with you I can’t really remember what happened. But what I do remember is having another scan and my oncologist coming into to see me and saying that they had found another place of inflammation which was located on the original cancer site. In panic the doctors and surgeons did a lumber puncture and a biopsy on me. It reviled that it was not cancerous like the other inflammation.

You may think that is the best news that at anybody in my situation could have but no. I was physically and mentally damaged. Every time I moved it felt like every bone inside my body had just ran a marathon. the headaches had got worse.

This did not ruin my confidence it killed it.

After the biopsy they had no choice but to put me on a lot of medication I was on 3 different types of anti-epilepsy medication and 3 different types of anti-pain drugs. I was popping them like smarties and even though I was losing the pain in my head I was losing the mental battle as well. Mixing medication was not a smart idea. Psychosis started to grow on my brain like a unwanted fungi it started to take control of my body like a disease I began to have night terrors in the hospital. They sent me home because they had no idea what was wrong with me and for 3 months was having episodes of psychosis in which I was hearing voices of dead relatives I started hearing a voice of a dead friend that had gone through cancer with me but sadly did not make it I was distraught. Destroying the house in pure rage and attacking my loved ones. One night this got so severe that I locked myself in a bathroom with my dad outside then sprinted out of the bathroom taking me and my dad down wooden stairs and sprinting out the house and down the road I was eventually stopped by a paramedic and police officers. I was taken to Chester hospital where I was kept in a solitary room with security guards. I was moved to alder hey with many more security guards outside my room. They soon realised it was the drugs that were causing the psychosis, so the doctors try to take me off them. One night whilst I was having a ECG done on my brain. They tried me on a new epilepsy drug my body disliked the epilepsy drug, so I had allergic reaction. Muscle contractions started to happen in my neck making me not able to breath the doctors were frantic trying to help eventually it stopped after 6 hours feeling that I was suffocating.

Everything started looking good I was slowly coming off the drugs and was released from hospital. but everything inside me was dead. I had lost everything my dignity my pride my confidence was not just killed it was destroyed. I could no longer play my sports to a high ability and had to give them up as me and my family thought it was best as I was just becoming more and more sick. A few months later when I was lost in the dark with nowhere to go the hospital suggested that chemotherapy was the best way to get rid of the inflammations on my brain. That killed everything it sent me down a dark path of misery and depression with nothing left to do in my life. I decided to try and take my own life.

Thankfully I survived and in the hospital bed I saw my life falling apart but in the first time in a few years I said no I was not letting these past few years of my life define the rest of it no matter how long I was going to be on this earth.

I started with the one thing that through everything that me and my family had been through the one thing that would remain with anyone especially me is hope.

Hope does not cost anything it is not earned it is the belief in something better.

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel through all the darkness in my life I could still see hope. With the help CAMHS they set me on a path hand in hand with hope through all the pain and depression. I’m writing this now as 16-year-old boy who has rebuilt his life and is now ready to live the rest of it day by day there are guaranteed setbacks in my life and even yours it’s how you decide to beat them is what makes you who you are

                              

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